Pet Peeves

Jesus wants a relationship with me, right? The relationship frustrates me. It doesn’t feel like the way a relationship with a living, perfect being should feel. Sometimes after our interactions I find myself angered, bitter, frightened or in pain.

Is there anything about God that frustrates you? I decided to come up with a list of what bothers me and share it with you.

God’s timetable
Help has always come. I’ll repeat that statement. Help has always come. But there have been a lot of times that help seemed like it didn’t come in time. Those periods of my life have been very hard. After the last time in my life where it seemed God was never going to come to my rescue, I ended up with weight loss and arrhythmia from the stress. He saved the day, but I truly felt like I almost didn’t make it. I don’t understand why sometimes his help is instantaneous and at other times it’s on the other side of drawn-out agony.

God’s silence
Just recently I prayed about whether or not I should apply for a different position at my organization, and God seemed to drive home the idea that he wanted me to keep working in my current capacity. Every day I became more and more convinced that I was in a niche that allowed me to do fulfilling work while developing new skills, and I finally had such an overwhelming feeling that God had answered me that I never started on the paperwork to apply for the other job.

There have been other times, though, that I have asked God questions and heard nothing. During one hard situation, I went years without knowing what God wanted me to do. Although I could sense him in my life helping me in other areas, with that one problem it seemed like I never got any guidance from him.

God’s idea of best
I don’t see much of a point in believing in God and trying to have a connection with him if he’s not the ultimate source of love and he doesn’t always do what’s best for us. The problem that I have, though, is that what God thinks is best has sometimes been immensely painful for me. I have never attempted suicide or wanted to commit suicide, but I can think of three times that life seemed so unbearable I wanted to die. There were two times I wanted to be struck dead in a traffic accident (with the other driver coming away unharmed, of course), and there was one time that I fantasized about returning to severe dieting and having a heart attack. To want death is to find life so hard that you give up hope, but somehow while this was going on, I was receiving what was best for me. It’s something I can’t understand.

God’s kindness to my enemies
This is the most embarrassing one to list. I love the idea of God forgiving me for everything I do and loving me in spite of it, but when I see people living well who seem mean or oppressive, it horrifies me. I become outraged that I love God and try to be loving to other people, but God allows people who are hostile or nasty to have more comfortable lives than I do. Some people say that everyone gets their own dose of heartbreak and sadness in life. I don’t believe that. I believe that some people who are not as loving as I am have much easier lives. I get angry with God because I don’t think they deserve it, and I think he should have blessed the "good guys" more. I know how flawed my thinking is here, hence my embarrassment.

So there you have it. You have seen my list of problems I have with God, and I probably could have come up with more. I don’t think any of those feelings should be in my head, but on the other hand, maybe the fact that I have some complaints about the way God works means I have a real relationship with him. What I got out of reading the Nicole Gausseron diary series (my favorite three books ever) was that Jesus wants a relationship with us more than anything else. I hope her diary was right.

What frustrates you about the way God works in your life? Do you talk to him about it? Have you always had the same issues or have things changed over time? I’d love to hear from you.