If There Is Any Way

I got a phone call last night from someone who was in agony. His spouse's depression, isolation and sideways rage are almost more than he can handle. He feels unqualified to monitor her depression and is scared for her sake, while he himself is having to deal with the loss of the happy marriage they had just months ago. I listened to him for an hour, told him to look at all of his options, invited him to an Al-Anon meeting and let him know I was praying for him and wished both of them the best. My response was inadequate given the gravity of the situation, but I knew there was nothing more I could do at that moment.

I took a shower before bed and cried through it. I was in a daze watching television. I woke up this morning, and my stomach felt clutched by the sadness of what they're going through. One of the reasons I hurt so much for them is that they do not have faith in God, and I don't think they have any form of spirituality at all. I don't know how God is going to help them when the idea of God is something that they reject. And I don't know how people without faith make it through the hard parts of living since that is the only reason I feel like I've made it this far.

I've prayed for this couple many times over the past year, and I don't know how many times I've prayed for them in the last 18 hours. Many, many times. They don't seem like wasted prayers, but they seem futile. I feel like I'm reaching deep into a bathroom cabinet and am only pulling out expired medicine. I pray, but Jesus knows that I don't really have any hope.

Last week at a work retreat I did a guided meditation where we tried to discover what we think God sees when he looks at us. In my meditation I saw God looking at me and seeing how much love I have for other people and how much I ache and grieve for them. When I got the image of God reading my heart and seeing the concern I have for people who are hurting, not only did I feel loved by him, but I felt like I was seeing the real me. I feel so selfish, bad and mean most of the time that I cried tears of joy thinking that God might treasure the kind of love that I bring to the world.

And now I have this October day where I am called to give this couple to Jesus. It almost seems like an insult to them to try to help them by praying for them when they don't believe in him. But besides being on standby with empathy and a willingness to listen, there is nothing else I can do. So I pray to Jesus, Mary, St. Monica (patron saint of troubled marriages), and I think I'll be talking to St. Dymphna and their guardian angels, too. I am not quietly comforted by this; my inner refrain is still "This is so messed up."

Dear Jesus, today please take special care of people who are in pain but don't know you. If there is any way that you can help, please do it. Amen.