Exposure Part II: The Entries

This is what I read at our staff Christmas service:

I keep a spiritual journal where I write about my relationship with God, my struggles with faith and experiences I have on my spiritual path. And when I offered to read a little out of it during this service, I expected B. to tell me that it wouldn’t really fit into the program, but it turns out that what I wrote fits in with the peace candle, so here I am.

Last Christmas was a day filled with gratitude and tranquility. But as of December 23rd 2006, I was stuck in self-centeredness and shallow thinking and thought I was having my worst Christmas ever. I like to re-read the next two entries from my spiritual journal because they show how God was able to speak to my heart and completely change my attitude. So I thought I would share them with you.


Dec. 23rd 2006

I was telling my prayer group what a weird time in my life this is…still adjusting to going back to work full-time, missing my kids being underfoot, being new at a job, moving, having most of our things packed, not having Christmas decorations, not even having a tree and being so late doing my Christmas shopping that Santa’s only bringing my kids piles of educational toys.

I heard someone say that their motto about Christmas is “It is what it is.” I talked about how all of my negative feelings about this Christmas are okay if I give them to God. I need to give my Christmas to God and let it just exist and know that God is with me. I can let this Christmas be what it is and don’t have to agonize over it, make myself rejoice in it or try to control anything about it. My Christmas can exist, I can exist and God is with me.


Here’s what I wrote the next day, December 24th 2006

Christmas Eve. I listened to all of my Christmas CDs today while I packed. I was trying to let go of how empty this Christmas feels, but it was really hard as our own home got barer and barer. Then, when I was listening to a CD of Christmas hymns, I heard Silent Night, and even though I have known this Christmas carol ever since I was a little girl, today was the first time I ever really heard the word “silent.” I thought about that word for a long time, and I thought about what a difference there was between the Christmas songs I’d been listening to all day and my CD of Christmas hymns.

It seems to me that the popular Christmas songs are about how we can enhance the experience of Christmas for ourselves. I don’t mean the obvious, the gifts. I’m talking about all of the things that Christmas songs say make the yuletide gay: chestnuts, snow, parties for hosting, cups of cheer, turkeys, caroling, holly, mistletoe, lights, silver bells, busy sidewalks dressed in holiday style, shining stars hung on the highest boughs.

But the Christmas hymns are different. They are about receiving Christ’s peace. Silent Night. All is calm. God rest ye merry Gentlemen. Peace on earth and mercy mild. All the hymns ask us to do is just to be with God, just to be present. O come all ye faithful. O come let us adore him. Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas day.

So my take on this is that the Christmas hymns are a guide to receiving and meditating on the peace God means for us to have, and the Christmas songs are about how we can wrest as much happiness and sensory delight out of Christmas as possible. There is no need for me to feel that anything about our holy day is lacking. The Christmas hymns tell me that God has already given me salvation and serenity, and all I need to do is to give this miracle my attention.

“Let Earth receive Her King.”