Ashes Everywhere

I’m having trouble concentrating at work today. My husband’s heart is breaking over our temporary separation, and my heart is breaking for him. I wish I hated him, but I don’t. It hurts very much to see him cry with his head in his hands. I would carry him right now if I had strength for both of us, but I don’t.

Later…

I went to an Ash Wednesday service with two friends. I was able to see the ugliness of all of my sins, the damage I’ve done to other people, the suffering of my family, the way I’ve turned my back on God.

It was almost like my previous post was a prayer to see Satan working in my life, and in church today, I was able to see it. It was horrible. I knew God loved me, but I thought he looked upon me and the people touched by me with great sadness. I sensed the master of lies and saw how empty his promises were.

I took my rosary into the church with me, and as soon as I got there, I saw that it was broken, like my relationship with God is broken. I’ve been praying for contrition. Perhaps this means I have it. I wasn’t going to receive Communion anyway, but I had to leave the sanctuary early because I was crying so hard.